Church Bells

5 September 2008 at 13:25 (Uncategorized)

Until I work some things out, I’m no longer ‘doing’ weddings. I’m not attending engagement parties, or bucks nights, wedding ceremonies or receptions.

I’m not sure exactly what I think. Here’s an outline of some of the stuff that’s been stewing for at least a year or two:

  1. I can’t make sense of love (or even ‘life’ through the eyes of a human). But then, there probably aren’t many people who claim to understand love.
  2. I don’t agree with the current legal constraints regarding heterosexual marriage.
  3. I take offence to some of the religious doctrine preached at weddings I’ve been to.
  4. I feel bad when I think about ‘wedding things’ (trying to understand feelings is an unreasonable -and most probably a silly- thing to do).

Well that’s the stuff I can verbalise. That last point makes it difficult for me to have any sort of productive thoughts relating to the matter.

There you go; many hours of painful rumination summarised with five minutes of typing. If anyone could recommend some modern philosophy dealing with the subject, I’d be most appreciative.

It’s clearly a personal issue, something to do with how I feel about weddings, not some sort of moral decree stating that people getting married are doing it wrong. This announcement may be untimely, and I hope it doesn’t foster any hard feelings. It doesn’t result from any specific experience and it is not targeted at any specific group of people.



  1. monototo said,

    After further reflection:
    I guess, I feel that by attending such events I’d be endorsing them. Why would I endorse something I don’t understand (see point #1)? Or why would I endorse something that I think is outdated and bigoted (#2 & #3)?

    This feeling of endorsement probably has a lot to do with the ‘bad feelings’ (#4)

  2. monototo said,

    A friend emailed me, asking me to consider whether this was the best form of activism.

    Activism requires a person to be seeking an external change. I’m not doing this as an activist, I don’t want other people to change and I’m not doing this to change the laws; the laws don’t effect me, I support reform but it’s not my battle to fight.

    I can’t stress how much point #4 comes into play around weddings, it’s the concept that makes me feel bad. And now I’m not sure how relevant the things that I’ve listed as being wrong with weddings (#2 & #3) are, perhaps they are just the easy pickings. Yes, I don’t like the homophobic nature of the law or the religious doctrine and we could talk about that for hours, but even if that was fixed, or a wedding was being conducted in a way that I approved, I think there would still be deeper seeded issues getting in the way: jealousy, angst, hopelessness, nihilism, or something else, which are actually the underlying motivators for the aversion and despair.

    Like I said, this is about me. Please, go and get married. I think that marriage is a wonderful thing, that committing to another person is romantic, beautiful and beneficial to society in many ways. But it’s not something I want to be involved with at the moment.

    Sorry if it comes across like I’m just being difficult.

  3. Deirdre said,

    This is not really related to what you were saying, but it’s a tangent and it’s about marriage, so I’m sticking the link here anyway :P
    Chris Messina, My argument against Proposition 8, FactoryCity.

    See section …history repeating, paragraph: “The arguments for and against…”

    Summarised: “…should marriage persist in law, then it should not be discriminatory against same-sex couples. If marriage must only be for heterosexual couples, then it should be removed from the state constitution and replaced with civil unions, which would be available to any two willing citizens.”

  4. Deirdre said,

    Who forgot to advance his WordPress time by one hour for daylight saving?

  5. monototo said,

    Thanks for the link, I guess I agree with what he’s saying. It makes marriage seem kind of out of place; it’s messing with the law while being heavily influenced by religion.

    As for daylight saving, Eh. I’m over that as well.

    Twice a year I face the challenge of trying to guess which gadgets are going to update themselves and which ones need prompting. This year, for example, I was camping out in the scrub and when I woke up I had no reference clock/watch to determine if my phone had updated itself.

    Due to this growing aversion I’ve decided to adopt UTC for this blog. I would’ve really preferred using UNIX time or perhaps something less standard (Swatch Time?). Maybe I’ll submit a feature request…

    bloody hell i can be difficult

  6. nimeton said,


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