26 April 2005 at 1:16 (General)

At the moment I hate many things. I hate society. I hate art. I hate computers. I hate the internet. I hate education and schools. I hate the advantages of modern medicine. I hate heath care and insurance. I hate families. I hate suburbia and cities. I hate bikes -they are right but I feel too weak.
I want to die

but I am fond of the country. Of open spaces. Of barren land. Of small towns. I like the idea of smooth roads and fast cars. I am fond of nature and being surrounded by nature -specifically being surrounded by and isolated in the middle of untouched, untapped, natural beauty.
I want to live



  1. Nimeton said,

    You described one of my all time favourite experiences. Smooth open roads and fast cars (or bumpy roads, and slow cars whatever the case may be).

    Cool sentiment.

  2. toto said,

    I still hate cars, I think…

    actually I think I’m very confused.

  3. Deirdre said,

    Confused but comprehensive, maybe. I was reading through your list going, yes, yes, yes… then: “I hate the advantages of modern medicine.” Huh? You HATE the ADVANTAGES of modern MEDICINE? Toto! What an unusual, nay perhaps deviant, chappie you be.

    Great save in the end, too. Nothing like a fast car to get you surrounded and isolated. (Hmm… maybe I’m being sarcastic?)

    Best wishes, and nice pics on that other site (except WHAT is that woman doing there? If I had a feminist placard I’d hit you with it. And you’re already in a bad mood, so what do I care if this is none of my business? I… don’t… care… )

    I do hope you’re feeling better by now, though. Cheers.

  4. nimeton said,

    As for cars… Yeah it shoudln’t be too confusing. They aid in the doing of useful/pleasurable/necessary things…. But fundamentally they kill the enviroment, promote lazyness etc etc

    basically all things in moderation perhaps…. many different factors connect to everything else.

    gotta rush to work (in a car ironically) ;-s

  5. Kent said,

    i agree; you are confused, confusing, and yet cogent. skilful.

    maybe we should try to break that 73 kmh-1 of yours. i know a good road for it… be a full day job though. and my speedo is broken, but yours?

  6. toto said,

    Deirdre, the hatred of modern medicine is a hard one to justify. Most people who are filled with hate don’t make a lot of sense.

    the woman on the deviant site is in my favourites list. she made it into my list not only because she was so unsetteling, but also because her creator was a very interesting person. The caption was also very amusing, poking fun at the boys who were getting off on such abstract creations:

    I think I’ll name this one “Ethel”

    She likes walks in the park, soft candlelit poetry readings, and laying waste to urban environments with 4 shoulder/spine mounted ‘streetsweepers’. Her favorite color is green and she buys her lingerie at Grand Auto Parts.

    This piece, which happened to be featured when you visited, was rather more deviated than the rest of my favourites. Interestingly, deviant defined by google is a person whose behaviour deviates from what is acceptable especially in sexual behaviour, a pervert. Contrary to this, deviantart has strict guidelines for what can be posted on their site, nothing sexually explicit (no erections or intercourse or sex, but artistic nudity is fine, as it should be). It should be noted that a very small amount of material on deviantart is considered mature content, and therefore not suitable for feminists (that was totally harsh, apologies for being so cheeky). If you make an account you can get deviant to screen such material.

    I’ll encourage you to take a peek at my full favourites list to get a taste for what the rest of deviant art has to offer.

    Nimetön: I think I’ve worked it out. I’ll love my car when it is energy efficient, but only under the condition that I can continue to ride to work. on a slightly related note, I rode to uni today to find that the hot water had run out. This will also need to be fixed before I am a happy camper.

    Kent: Cheers, cogent is a cool adjective and feels dangerous and fun for someone who also feels confused.
    Breaking 73? Sure, I’ll be in touch. I’ve really damaged my right arm. I strained quite a few muscles wakeboarding so i don’t think I’ll be riding for the rest of the week. But once I’m feeling up to it and we have an opportunity, I’d love to give my top gear a flogging.

  7. Kent said,

    pass my best wishes on to your arm for me.

  8. toto's right arm said,

    cheers, i appreciate it

  9. Deirdre said,

    “Yeah sure” on that explanation, you male chauvinist piggy, et cetera. ONE of your favourites is acceptable to me (laughing like a clown). “Far away” is gorgeous. I suppose it’s there by mistake or something? That hand-rail… beautiful.

    And I don’t know what wakeboarding is, but I hope your arm will recover. Eventually.

  10. toto said,

    I would take offence at being called a chauvinist piggy if I was the type of person that gets offended.

    I’m not sure how serious you are… Who should decide what is appropriate? What moral standard do you suggest we oppose on the world? Do you think traditional Muslims/extremist Christians should lighten up? just wondering…

    Wakeboarding involves being towed behind a ski boat with your feet attached to a board similar to a thin body board. You could always try google’s image search because a picture says a thousand words!

  11. toto said,

    oh, and tonight the disadvantages of the advantages of modern medicine were made clear to me (well as clear as such and idea can be made). Over the weekend a great uncle who I hardly knew died. He should have died a few days earlier because his heart was 98% blocked. However he was put on life support. Then several days later his family made the awful decision of turning off the machine. This was meant to kill him within one hour but he fought death for the next seven. Morally it’s up the creek.

  12. Deirdre said,

    Well, thank goodness you’re not easily offended, Toto, because I didn’t mean to do so. Sorry.

    And I wasn’t serious about “ONE of your favourites is acceptable to me” either, if there’s any doubt. I was trying to make fun of someone saying such a thing and actually meaning it. Your Favourites are yours, is what I’m thinking. It doesn’t matter if anyone else approves of them.

    The liberal part of my brain thinks no one has the right to impose moral standards on anyone else, but the rest of me is glad there ARE such impositions (being a prude at heart). Were you actually asking? Because if so, what’re your own thoughts on the matter? I mean, “artistic nudity”, for example: what’s “artistic” and what’s just “nude”? And why are there so many naked women but not men?

    That’s a sad story about your uncle, I’m sorry. Having to make that decision would be the worst thing ever, unless it was very clear what should be done. Did the life support system prolong his life after it was removed, though? I mean, how do you know he wouldn’t have fought death for seven days anyway, even if there had been no medical intervention? I see that sort of help in a whole different light. My Mum would have died in her forties if it hadn’t been for heart surgery. She’s now in her mid-sixties and doing fine, but only thanks to a triple by-pass, pacemaker, stents (? is that what they’re called?) and a whole array of drugs… she’s like a walking dedication to medical intervention, really. :)
    (And a serious PS. because I’m guessing you’re studying medicine or something similar: women do actually get different symptoms than men do when having a heart attack. Some doctors, including Mum’s original one, don’t recognise them.)

  13. toto said,

    Hmmmm.. Peace be with you Deirdre.

    I don’t have a problem with nudity in art, art is meant to be a representation of something (a person, a concept, an emotion,..) and like it or not, nudity exists to be represented. I don’t think you can draw a clean cut line of what is appropriate, some cultures women live topless, in others they must cover as much skin as they possibly can. So everyone has their own set of rules. Although the average feminist may find some nude art offensive they probably dress like sluts according some cultures.

    In my opinion, nudity is fine between consenting adults. In our society certain pictures will offend enough people that we should used discretion as to where and when we display them. My deviantart page didn’t have that picture on the main site when I linked to it and in hindsight it was wrong for me to keep it there. To me, it was just a comic of a naked android. Nice detail, cool concept, sort of vaguely reminded me of a scene from a cartoon in the matrix series. I did a quick check, to see that it wouldn’t be considered too rude if my mother was to look at my site or something… I did this purely by classification as I do whenever I censor something: sure it broke the areola/nipple rule but they were fake, i figured bolts didn’t count. Anything else, nothing a bathing suit wouldn’t expose. done and done.

    In hindsight this is extremely superficial. Deirdre and I were discussing this in an email and she highlighted the following in her classification: “she has no face. It’s a picture of a female body, without identity, in a submissive pose, weighed down by all that metal stuff.” This is totally degrading compared to what I saw. That doesn’t mean that I think such images should not be created, but they need to be handled with care.

    It should also be noted that not all art is meant to stimulate happy thoughts. Some artists are brave enough to explore subjects such as abusive relationships or rape, they accept that it exists rather than just treating it as taboo. It may be disturbing but I don’t blame the artist for producing such sick images, they are just a reflection of a society where rape and violence exist alongside producing advertising that makes people feel inadequate and running countries with campaigns based on fear and war.

    I like to emphasise that I think that the exploitation of women and men is wrong. I believe that advertising and the mass media (ie girls magazines/tv shows) are psychologically damaging on a population and individual level. These images that we are constantly exposed to shape our view of the world, what is ‘normal’ and what is ‘beautiful’. I use ” marks because these things are not tangible, in reality they should be individual. Normal is however you are, fat, oily, underweight or purple, such acceptable ranges should not exist. And beauty should be left in the eye of the beholder, I hate it when people can’t understand a relationship because the two people don’t seem to fit ascetically, not all relationships are skin deep.

    Art is different to advertising though. Art is not shoved into our faces day after day. it’s not something that is constantly bombarding your conscious and subconscious. It is not designed to be consumed passively but in contrast it wants to be explored. It doesn’t have an agenda other than relating it’s point of view to you or aiming to be criticised. It doesn’t want you to feel like you are lacking and need a product to make yourself feel good again.

    Art should not be censored like mass media and advertising. As long as the models are happy pose people should be able to create what they want. As another side note, perverts and pedophiles aren’t into art, their practices are harmful and totally unethical. They should seek help.

  14. Deirdre said,

    sure it broke the areola/nipple rule but they were fake, i figured bolts didn’t count
    I think that should win some sort of commenting award, Toto. Made me laugh, anyway.

    I understand what you’re saying about the differences between art (produced for active perusal) and mass media/advertising (produced for passive consumption in order to manipulate). But… I just wonder whether we can make such distinctions anymore – I think there’s a lot of mixing and matching going on, in both the type of images used in each, and the “audience” which is doing the looking. But I guess just in the fact that advertising is everywhere, and art is not, is a big distinction. You can’t stop and examine advertising in the way you do “art”, because there’s too much of it, it flashes by unnoticed, and it’s not designed to be analysed anyway. Artistic works… I don’t know. Have to confess I’m not sure any more what “art” is. But you’re probably right in suggesting it explores something. Whereas advertising images manipulate. Art can do this too, but that’s not its primary aim (… or not usually? I’m really not sure.) Advertising sells dissatisfaction, and most of us buy it without even realising. All the offensive stereotypes of the ‘isms are there (sexism, racism, ageism) except it’s all done so cleverly it’s hard to notice… And this has now wandered SO FAR off-topic I can’t remember how it got here.

    You mentioned cultural differences. On another blog I came across a post by an older woman who comments on mine, and she was saying she’d always wanted to be a slut. I thought this was a surprising (even alarming) new side to her, until it became obvious that in the UK, “slut” refers to someone who doesn’t care about doing housework. So I hope it’s fine to claim here that there’s a bit of the slut in all of us. :)

    Peace be with you, Toto.

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